Beyond “Fit”: Choosing the Right Consultant for You

You’re a hard-working HR professional, ERG leader, or C-Suite executive at a small organization. Suddenly, the employee pulse survey says they want allyship training. Someone on the leadership team goes to a conference and sees an amazing presenter they now want to bring to the organization. An ADHDer on a PIP asks for a neurodiversity coach.

And there’s no one in-house who can fill the role.

So you’ve decided to hire an outside consultant, coach, or facilitator. You start looking at websites, scrolling through bios, and reading testimonials. But there are just too many options for what you need. Or maybe you need something really specific, and there don’t seem to be enough options to choose from!

How am I supposed to decide? Do they actually know what they're doing? My reputation is on the line here, too… can I trust this person?

Here's what I've learned after nearly two decades in this work: hiring a consultant is less like hiring a teacher and more like hiring a flight attendant.

The Flight Attendant Principle

Most people think of flight attendants as the people who bring you ginger ale and tell you to put your seatbelt on at the beginning and end of the flight. And sure, that’s what they spend most of their time doing. But ultimately, flight attendants are actually hired to save lives in a crisis. Their value lies in being able to keep a cool head, execute emergency protocols, and get everyone out safely.

Consulting works the same way.

You're not just looking for someone who is great at teaching and has charisma (though those things are nice). You're hiring someone because, at some point in the partnership, something might spin out of control. A participant in a high-stakes training asks an inappropriate question that their peers complain to HR about. A senior leader gets called out in front of everyone (and gets defensive and accusatory). The technology fails five minutes before you go live and everyone is scrambling to figure out what to do. The training happens the week your organization announces layoffs.

These are all things that have happened during my work many, many times.

So when you hire a consultant, you're paying for their ability to navigate those moments without letting them derail the work or damage relationships. An inexperienced facilitator in a "whoops" moment can turn something awkward into a catastrophe. An experienced one can turn that same moment into a learning opportunity; the container stays intact.

So the first question shouldn’t be, "Do I like this person?" It should be, "Has this person done this work long enough to handle the things I can't predict?"

Identity Does Not Equal Expertise

Just because someone holds an identity doesn’t mean they are an expert on the larger systems and structures impacting that identity. In and of itself, being transgender does not make one an expert on trans-inclusive workplaces. Being a woman does not make one knowledgeable about the data on sexism in the nonprofit sector. Having a disability does not necessarily make one a great facilitator on disability justice.

This matters because organizations often see a team member from a marginalized community and think, "Perfect. They can do the training." That person is then asked to do work outside their actual job description and expertise, often resulting in being subjected to highly personal questions from colleagues, retaliation from dissenters, and the reality that they have been tokenized into representing an entire community that they just happen to belong to.

I know this happens because I’m often the person who gets called in to fix this situation when it inevitably spirals out of control.

An expert outside consultant, by contrast, has the emotional distance to do the work without becoming a target, and they have the expertise to ensure that learning environments are effective, policies are in alignment with national best practices (not just one person’s opinion), and that every organization is left behind better than they found it. It’s what we’re trained to do.

So if you're looking for a consultant because you want someone from a particular community to do that work, that's a perfect place to start. But remember that it’s a necessary but not sufficient criterion. Identity doesn’t equal expertise; don't put someone in a position where their identity has to do the work that their expertise should.

Scope and Years Matter More Than You Think

"How long have you been doing this?" isn't a casual question. It's the difference between someone who has done this exact type of project a couple of times versus someone who has done it dozens of times, learning what works and what doesn't through repetition, feedback loops, experimentation, innovation, and evolution.

Scope matters, as well! Has this person worked with organizations like yours? Have they facilitated in your industry? Do they understand the differences in culture between a finance firm and a homeless services agency, for example?

Years of experience and expertise in your sector tell you something else, too: this person has seen trends come and go. They know which frameworks last and which ones were just fashionable. They've watched what happens six months after a one-day training, and they design differently because of it. They've learned that sustainable change is slower and messier than LinkedIn would have you believe.

Look for a consultant who has deep experience on the topic you’re looking to address and the sector your work happens in. You’re much more likely to end up with a high-impact partnership than if you had opted for someone who is just starting out.

And, Finally, Let’s Talk About “Vibe”

If you hire a consultant whose energy, brand, and presence matches your organizational culture, the work will be so much easier. The second someone walks in and gives the team the feeling that this consultant “gets” them (their ethos, culture, and values), it opens up so many more possibilities.

For example, if your organization is buttoned-up, formal, and highly structured (think legal or finance), you probably want to look for a consultant whose website, materials, and communication style reflect that. Conversely, if your culture is informal, accessible, and achievement-oriented (without the stuffiness), seek out someone who matches that energy. This ends up being closer to the energy here at Collaborate Consulting… we can definitely adapt to our pharmaceutical clients, but most of the people we serve value authenticity, humor, and connection.

Your consultant should feel like they belong in your room, or have the skills to create that feeling even if it’s not where they always sit. When there's solid alignment between your organization's values and your consultant's actual practice, the work is much more effective in the moment and long-lasting over time.

Questions to Ask

When I do intake calls, I’m prepared to answer all of these questions:

On experience: Tell me about a facilitation or training where something went wrong. What happened? How did you handle it? What did you learn? (Listen for specificity, honesty, and humility. Vague answers are a red flag.)

On scope: Walk me through your experience with organizations like ours. What do you already know about our sector? What's different about the culture of organizations that do the work we do?

On approach: What happens if someone gets defensive in the room or the conversation gets heated? What are your strategies for navigating that?

On framework: Tell me about your facilitation model. What research or training informs your work? How do you know it works? (They should have an answer that is rooted in specific evidence-based practices, either around adult learning styles, behavior change, the developmental model of persuasion, or something that has been show to create lasting impacts.)

One Last Thing: Talk to Us Anyway!!!

If you're not sure whether a consultant is the right fit for you, fill out a contact form and get on a call with them anyway. Most of us have deep, long-standing relationships with other practitioners whose work we know and trust, so if you ask for something outside of our zone of genius… we probably know who you should talk to instead.

For example, I do a lot of neurodiversity work. This means I often get asked if I can train teachers or program staff who work with neurodivergent youth. But that's just not something I do. I don’t have advanced training in the unique specificities of childhood and adolescent development. I haven’t coached dozens of youth over a long period of time to really understand the interpersonal dynamics of that work. I’m not familiar with the inclusion policies and practices that empower young people to be successful in schools and other learning environments.

But even though I stay squarely in my lane of working with adults, I do know the practitioners who specialize in training teachers and youth-serving staff, and I’m happy to refer you to the one I think will be best for your specific need.

So if you're exploring whether someone is a fit: reach out. Bring us a problem, and we’ll collaborate with you on the best solution. A good consultant will listen carefully, tell you how they would approach the opportunity, and if they’re not the right fit, they’ll connect you with someone who does. Even if you don’t end up hiring them, you'll have made a connection with someone who might be able to help you in the future, which is always a good thing.